Children & Teenagers
(Young ARAFMI)

Many children and young people live in families where someone is affected by a mental illness.

Children and teenagers who have a relative affected by mental health illness have told us that at times they feel worried and mixed up, sometimes embarrassed, guilty, or sad and angry about why this has happened in their family. These are normal feelings to have – all people at times have different sorts of feelings about what is happening in their life. It is important to know that you are not alone – there are other children and young people experiencing a life similar to yours. Young ARAFMI gives you the opportunity to connect with others your age who are living in similar situations.

Young ARAFMI is a program for children and young people who have a mother, father, sister or brother affected by mental health problems.

Young ARAFMI offers:

Kids Connecting – a weekly group meeting during each school term
Sand play and art therapy
Counselling around mental health issues
Telephone support
Information and education about mental health issues
Advocacy
Fun outings during school holidays
Liaison with and referral to other services

Mental health and mental illness

Keeping healthy and happy involves looking after our physical and mental health.

What is mental health?

A lot of people don't really understand what mental health is. They think 'mental health' has something to do with not being very smart or being strange. This is not true. The truth is we all have mental health just like we all have physical health.

Different parts of our body have a job to do like our skin, and our bones. The brain is very complex and controls the way our body works. It also has important chemicals that give us messages about laughing, crying, running, and many other things. Sometimes these chemicals get mixed up and the person feels and acts 'weird'. They may not know why they are acting this way and they are not able to change it on their own. The person may seem very sad or grumpy, they may be jumpy or getting worried about small things. They may believe things are happening which are not real.

Mental health is about the way we think and feel about ourselves and our world. It's about how we handle our everyday lives, like making and keeping friends, keeping up with school work and getting along with our family. So just like our physical health, there are times we feel well and happy and times we don't feel so great.

What is physical health?

Physical health is about keeping our bodies as healthy as we can. There are times when we all get sick and need to look after ourselves so we can get better. Looking after our physical health involves things like getting enough rest, eating healthy foods, exercising and getting help from doctors and other health professionals if we need medicine or other treatment to get better when we are sick.

So what is mental illness?

Some facts...

Sometimes people's mental health may become 'sick' and they may become unwell. This is sometimes called mental illness.
Mental illness makes a person think, act and feel differently.
Mental illness can happen to any person of any age, living in any country in the world. This might be a parent, a brother or sister, a grandparent, an uncle or aunt or cousin.
In Australia one person out of every five has a mental illness at some time in their life.
You cannot 'catch' mental illness, like you can catch a cold.
Mental illness is nobody's fault.
You cannot cause mental illness. Nothing you may have said or done caused the mental illness.
Because someone in your family has a mental illness it does not mean that you will have a mental illness.
Mental illness can be harder to understand than other illnesses, because you can't see mental illness, like you can see a broken arm, or you can see if someone has a bad ear ache.
Several things go together to cause mental illness - people who have a mental illness may have more than just one of these things... different way the brain works; extra worries or stress; sometimes using non-prescription drugs.

How do children and young people feel when their parent has a mental illness?

As a child or young person living with, or knowing someone with a mental illness, life can be really tough. You may feel lots of different emotions towards the person with the mental illness. Feelings are not good or bad, right or wrong - they are your reaction to what is happening to you. You are not alone in feeling worried and mixed up if someone in your family has a mental illness.

You may wonder what caused the illness.
You may ask yourself – did I cause the illness? Can I catch it?
You might not understand what the illness is.
You may wonder how long it will last.
You may wonder how to cope with your fears and anxieties.
You may wonder what you can do when things get too much.
You may feel angry and wonder why it has to happen in your family.
You may get embarrassed, and not want anyone to know that a member of your family has a mental illness.
You may feel embarrassed to bring friends home because you do not know what your relative will do.
You may feel guilty if you get angry with your relative.
You may feel guilty because you are well and your relative is not.
You may feel guilty because you wish your relative was no longer part of your life.
You may be scared to be around your relative because they have changed so much. You may be afraid that they will hurt themselves or others.
You may feel scared if your relative talks about strange things, or talks about wanting to die.
You may be confused about what is happening, and may feel it's not OK to talk about what's going on.
You may feel responsible for looking after your parent or making sure they are cared for, as well as looking after other things in the family.
Young ARAFMI can help you understand what is happening, help you deal with how you feel, and help you meet other people your age in similar situations.

THERE IS ALWAYS HOPE!

EVERYTHING CHANGES - THERE IS ALWAYS HOPE.

It is very important that you understand that you are not to blame for someone else's difficulties – whether it's one of your parents, or your sister or brother who is affected by mental illness.

Everyone in life experiences ups and downs. Sometimes how you think about an event and how you react to it are more important than the event itself. If something happens and you don't like it, you can choose how to deal with it.

If you look at your misfortunes as learning experiences and challenges that you can survive and overcome, you will grow stronger. Ask yourself "how can I make this work for me instead of against me?" Tell yourself you won't just be a victim of your circumstances – you'll accept them, deal with them….. and rise above them.

"Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired and success achieved." - Helen Keller

Taking care of yourself

It is difficult living in a family where somebody has a mental illness. You may not be sure what is going to happen from one day to the next. It may be hard to make plans and you may never know what to expect. You may feel that you are missing out on attention from your family and friends. You may simply just not know what to do.

Here are some tips to help you take care of yourself, so that you can get through your situation in the best way you know how, and be there for your relative and others in your family. Tips for Taking Care of Yourself

Tip 1 - Understand what is going on

Reading information on this web site is a good first step to help overcome the confusion surrounding what mental illness is. Look at some of the Children and Young People Links if you want more information about this.
You may not know what to do or say to the person with the illness. Maybe you are not sure of the changes in the person's behaviour are due to the illness of the medication that he / she may be taking. If you need more information talk to your parents, your doctor or contact Young ARAFMI.

Tip 2 - Express how you feel

Feelings need to be felt even if you don't like them. If you keep your emotions bottled up inside, they can hurt you and make you feel even worse. Facing your feelings and talking about them, on the other hand, can be a healthy release.
If you can't seem to think straight stop thinking and feel; becoming aware of your feelings helps you sort through them.
If you're afraid, breathe. Take a few slow deep breaths until you calm down a little, then talk to someone you trust.
If you are angry, say it with words or write it down, rather than acting out.
If you are sad, cry.
If you are lonely, call or visit someone.
Maybe you could tell a friend you trust about what is wrong with your relative and how you feel about it. Then if your relative does or says something strange, your friend will understand.
If you want someone to talk to about how you feel, or about what is going on, that is what Young ARAFMI is here for. You can email or phone if you'd like to talk to the Young ARAFMI Worker.

Tip 3 - Get some exercise, have some fun

Go for a walk, or a swim, or ride a bike.
Go for it in sport and phys ed at school.
Join a team if you can, and if it's what you want to do.
Put on your favorite music and dance or sing.
Watch a funny movie.
Spend time with friends who help you laugh.

Tip 4 - Eat good food

Nutritious foods give your body and mind the fuel they need to stay healthy and strong.
If you are into healthy eating that's great.
If you're a junk food fan, have a go at exploring good food options.

Kids check this out!

Teenagers check this out!

Tip 5 - Feed your spirit

Write down your thoughts and feelings. You don't have to show it to anyone.
Listen to music, play a musical instrument, or sing.
Write a poem or a short story.
Walk on the beach and listen to the waves and birds, or walk through a park.
Go to an art gallery and spend time looking at paintings and sculptures.
Paint, draw, or sketch a picture.
Be creative in anyway you like. Use a needle and thread, paper, ink, flowers, music, cloth, words, glue, or wood. Borrow ideas from magazines or other people, art books, hobby shops, or nature. See what's inside you, waiting to come out.
Go to a library and just look around. It's usually peaceful and you never know what you might find.
Spend time with an animal friend. Patting your dog or watching a fish swim can help you feel peaceful.
Because you want good friends, be a good friend.
Make a cake or a meal for someone who has been kind to you.
Set a goal to do something you've always wanted to do. Plan it out in simple steps, write them down, and do step 1. Then go on from there…
Join the Kids Connecting support group and go along each week.

Tip 6 – Give yourself the time you need

There may be times when you want or need to not be at home.
It is important that you don't feel guilty about wanting time out. Everyone needs it sometimes.
Having something to do away home - like sport, dancing, drama, or being with friends - can give you the break you need.
If life is chaotic at home and you are trying to do homework or study you may need to go somewhere else. This might mean going to the local or school library; or studying at a friend's house or relative's house.

Tip 7 – Feel safe

Perhaps you feel anxious and stressed about having to live with the person or perhaps you are scared about something happening while you are at home alone with him/her. It is a good idea to talk about this with a parent or another adult, and work out what you should do if his/her behaviour becomes unpredictable. You may want to have a list of people to contact or a 'safe' place you can go if something happens.
If things get wild at home and you are not feeling safe it is very important to know where you can go to get help. If at any time you feel like you are going to be hurt, or someone near you is going to be hurt, get out and get help.
If you are not feeling safe, and you don't know who to ask for help, contact one of the services listed below.

Children & Teenagers (Young ARAFMI)

Children & Teenagers
(Young ARAFMI)